Transforming

Starting back up

2009-04-30T23:44:00.002-05:00

I am now a mom. Having my daughter has been the most beautiful experience of my life. I love our new family. This is the happiest time of my life.

Pregnancy was quite a ride. I went on partial bed rest during my 3rd trimester. At the peak of pregnancy, I weighed in at 216, much of which was swelling and water weight gain. (Holy crap!!!). After the baby was born, I lost 10 pounds. I dropped an additional 10 shortly thereafter. As soon as I returned to work, I was laid off. I have gained a lot of weight and lost quite a bit of self-confidence. I've been doing too much emotional eating and have not been going to the gym regularly.

I've felt pretty ashamed about my overeating, lack of exercise, and consequent weight gain. Not being a wage earner has challenged my sense of accomplishment. I feel shame because I feel that I do not contribute enough. My fiance and friends remind me that child rearing is the most important work that can be done, but I expected to be able to raise our daughter well and also rake in the dough.

I want to change my life. I think the first step is to speak of my feelings and acknowledge my struggle. I hope that putting these thoughts down in writing will help me to "witness" my life in a more objective manner. I can document where I am here and now. And go from there, in baby steps.

What a road!

2008-11-10T16:10:00.001-06:00

It's been a long time since I've written on this blog. I was midway through my triathlon training when I found out that I'm pregnant! Today I am 7.5 months pregnant - she's due in January 2009.

Fitness has been a new adventure during my pregnancy. My first trimester was exhausting for me. I was nauseated and tired more often than not. I was hoping to do my triathlon, but I just didn't have the energy. My (now) fiance, as a medical person, told me it was extremely important for me to keep working out, even if all I do is sit on the stationary bike and slowly pedal for 20 minutes. Well, I did keep things up. Barely.

Second trimester was great for my energy. I gained a bunch of weight, but it was all appropriate. I started working with a personal trainer to set up a new routine. I was not very ambitious, but it was good enough. I exercised 2-3 times a week, but I knew it should have been much more frequently. Towards the end of my 2nd trimester, I started to do more outdoor stuff.

Now I've entered my 3rd trimester and my belly is big! I'm not comfortable on the stationary bike or the elliptical because my knees bump into my belly. So I'm down to walking and swimming for cardio and a exercises that focus on my key areas. I got a big exercise ball at my office so now I work my core for balance every day. Still, not a lot of working out, but appropriate for me. I've gained a total of 18 pounds (!!! - that's normal, too) and my belly gets bigger every day. I'm really glad I stayed away from refined sugar and exercise because I don't have gestational diabetes.

Next weekend we're flying out to see our families. My doctor says I can fly until early December, so we're taking the chance, while we still can, to enjoy a trip down somewhere sunny. It'll be good to see my family and also enjoy the beach.

The triathlon's been on hold, but I still look forward to getting in shape after baby girl is born. Maybe I'll be able to work my way up to a triathlon this year.

1st baby picture

2008-06-03T18:46:00.002-05:00

This is the first picture of our baby, at 6.5 weeks (L.M.P.).

We were able to see the heartbeat on the ultrasound!!!

I'm pregnant - triathlon's off

2008-05-26T12:02:00.002-05:00

It's true. I'm 5 weeks+ now. I'm very happy. I do have morning sickness and I feel exhausted often. I don't have the energy or stamina for a triathlon. Gym + bike riding is about all I can do now. So this "Transforming" journal may be a preggy journal for a while.

Running analysis

2008-03-16T00:43:00.002-05:00

Okay. Yes, I'm a little bit of a geek. I like to do a touch of analysis and critical thinking every once in a while... These are my stats from once every two months, which I think is a pretty interval at which to analyze progress, right?

November 2007 - 3.1 miles
My first 5k
45 min 5 sec (14.54 min mile)

January 2008 - 3.1 miles
40 min 26 sec (13.04 min mile)
Conditions: windy Mississippi, 4 below 0 Fahrenheit (not counting wind chill)
Improvements from previous race:
* 4.65 min total less than last race
* 1.5 min/mile faster than last race
* 10% faster than last race

March 2008 - 3.1 miles
Conditions: Very icy!!!
33 min 52 sec (10.92 min mile)
Improvements from previous race
* 6.6 min total less than last race
* 1.5 min/mile faster than last race
* 16% faster than last race
Improvements from first race
* 11.22 min total less than first race
* 3.62 min/mile faster than first race
* 25% faster than first race

I'm so not Irish, even for a day

2008-03-15T23:21:00.005-05:00

The 5k this morning was the Irish for a Day 5K and 10mi around Lake Harriet. I did pretty well. There were all sorts of folks. Some elite athletes were out. Then, there were the weird drinking people: I saw one guy sucking down a beer at 8:30 a.m., right before the run. Huh? How does that work? Then there were the naked guys. I'm not talking about the folks who show up in running shorts despite the 20 degree Fahrenheit temp reading. I'm referring to these guy who look like they're in college, bare-chested except for the body paint. Yes, ladies and gents: orange and green body paint. Unfortunately, I did not have any special outfit I was wearing.

8:45, the clock starts, and the 10 milers begin.
9:00, the 5k starts (and the slow ascent to the starting line)

It was remarkably icey! People fell. I almost fell THREE times! That would have sucked, but I'm very thankful the...ice fairies or whatever they are...saved me from falling. I tried to do 5 min-10min runs with a 1min walk break in between. Actually, I don't wear a watch, so I wait for 3 or so songs to play while I run and then I just take 60-80 walking steps at whatever tempo I want. It worked for me. It was cool.

Final score: 33:52. Not bad. 9:55 per mile!!!! That's so freaking cool, if it's true. When I finished the clock stated 48:52. I just about cried when I saw the time board. Thankfully, I'm supposed to subtract 15 minutes from that. I wasn't the only one who forgot. Some poor guy and his wife were devastated when they noticed their finish time. I knew I couldn't have been slower than my first 5k in November. I have to sign up for another 5k in april to keep me motivated and not so intimidated of the upcoming triathlon.

I've been sabotaging my diet at work. This is true. There have been so many refined sugar cookies and a flan and lots of other stuff. How can so much goodness be so bad? Moderation, I know.

I'm so not Irish. Cuban-American generation y-er, y.u.c.a (young, upwardly mobile, cuban-american), freckle-faced, but definitely not Irish.

Araganeria

2008-03-13T06:20:00.003-05:00

I have had a lazy streak. My motivation is pretty low right now, even though I know there are 98 days until the triathlon. I have gone to the gym a bunch and I have been running and working out with others, but I'm a bit down about the fact that I've skipped a number of early morning workouts. Actually, I had to talk with my therapist about it. I had been feeling pretty intimidated. My spin instructor had been saying to push ourselves as if we're trying to catch up to someone who's just a little bit faster than I am. But when I start to compare myself to others, all I see are the faults and none of the progress I've made. It's a deficit perspective instead of an asset-based approach. And that's never worked for me.

On the positive side, I look good in size 12. Size TWELVE? I was at the Mall of America early on Saturday morning for a computer repair (love the Apple store!) and the only apparel store open was The Limited. I went in despite thinking that they are 1) too small and 2) too expensive. I left with a size 12 black skirt and size 12 black slacks. No lycra, no stretch. Just straight-up size 12! I haven't worn a 12 since...I was 15 years old. Now, my upper body is still a size 16, but I know that weight loss has to happen gradually. Eventually, I will even out.

I have been doing some diet sabotaging. Okay, clarification first. I stopped doing Weight Watchers. I do not want to spend $40 a month on it. Instead, I'm putting it in baby fund cds, which feels great. Okay. At work, program coordinators keep bringing in these totally empty calorie-filled cookies. It's terrible. I've been eating these all. Yuck. And I mean, I've been binging on this shit. Maybe it's time for me to begin writing everything I eat down. A log does help me to see what the heck it is that I've been doing. I think I need that. You've been warned: I'm going to track my food here.

3/13 5:30 a.m. Smoothie (2 bananas, 1/4 c peaches, 1/4c apple juice, 1/8c soy milk, spirulina)

It's getting easier

2008-02-10T21:45:00.000-06:00

I ran for 1/2 hour with no problem and no need for a break. It was awesome. I kept running until the gym staff kicked me off the machine. And then I did abs work. I didn't do anything on Saturday. I'm really happy that the guy I'm dating pushed me out of my inertia by getting my ass to the gym. When I get a little tired, I just think how much easier it is today than, say, Thanksgiving 2007.

Bike

2008-01-29T13:08:00.000-06:00

Bike

I need a new bike.

I love my fixed-gear bike, but general consensus is that I need a different bike for the hilly triathlon I'm doing in June.

But what do I need? I talked with Hurl, the guy who made my sweet fixed-gear bike, and he'll make me whatever I want, but he thinks this bike is a good one for me.

I don't know, though. Previously, my criteria was "pretty" and comfortable enough to ride for a couple of hours. Now I'll be getting special bike shoes (splat on the concrete!) and gears. Gears? I hate to admit it, but I don't know how to use gears the right way. But I'd rather have a sweet used little ditty - you know it's gonna look like hell when I'm done with it. I don't even really like to go fast because I get scared. Oh boy.

Any advice would be appreciated.

I've realized that I really need to learn some bike maintenance, so I signed up for a class through exco in April.

My 6am spin instructor says I should just go to Erik's and let them know what I need. I think I'm going into the hub to see their road bikes and shoes. Me on a road bike!? Well, I better get to it before the group triathlon training starts March 8th. Uh oh.

Back to health!

2008-01-29T12:03:00.000-06:00

Success.

I was sick for too long. I fell off the diet - lots of emotional eating. And I didn't exercise for almost two weeks. That's a long time. Surprisingly, I still lost 1.6 pounds during those two weeks. Go figure. I know I have been making some lifestyle changes and I guess some of these may be becoming long-term healthy-eating habits. But my clothes don't fit as nicely as they did two weeks ago. The good news is that I'm going to look even better next week.

It felt so good getting back on the bike at spin class today. It kicked my ass - as always. Although it was hard to get up, I was inclined to lie back down to sleep, I remembered how good I feel after spin class and I got there. I did it. I biked 13.4 miles this morning. Holy cow! It only took me 4 minutes to recover from the workout, too! If all goes well, I will be jogging tomorrow morning at 6am.

I'm not doing capoeira but I'm still in the running group. Maia, the spin instructor that kicks my ass, announced this morning that the triathlon club starts on Saturday mornings, beginning 3/8 at the Southdale YMCA. It will be 14 sessions and I think it will be good for me. The idea is that the sprint triathlon will be 1.5 hours of intensive exercise. That's not so bad now, is it? Well, it looks like there are going to be lots of hills, so I'm going to need a bike with gears. There goes part of my tax return....

Off-course

2008-01-22T16:56:00.000-06:00

I have blown my diet and not worked out for 2 weeks. That's how long I've been sick. It's a cold and now it's a sinus infection. Yuck. Prior to this, I had stopped tracking my points on weight watchers. I have no idea how, but my weight has managed to remain between 180 and 182, which is almost 20 pounds less than when I started the weight watchers program. Yesterday, I did have a rock-bottom binge: I ate a whole small athena pizza (cheese, feta, artichoke hearts, olives), 1 ginormous rice krispy treat, and 1 coke. That was a lot of food. I was overeating to help me feel better. Interesting, huh? I feel foolish. But that's what happened and that's where I'm starting from. At least it's easier than starting at 200, right? I look forward to feeling better and getting back to the gym. But right now, it's enough of a struggle getting my ass to work. See illustration of me being surrounded by cooties.

Below Arctic

2008-01-18T12:04:00.001-06:00

I am under the weather. I've been sick all week long. It sucks! Three people in my office have the same thing going on. I'm on day number five of feeling yucky, but really day number three of feeling like what the cat dragged in. Needless to say, I have not worked out at all. I also missed my Weight Watchers meeting on Monday. I have found I've been trying to console myself by eating junk food and lots of it. Not so good. Well, I hope that I am feeling better soon. Today I've stopped the overindulgence. After all, the sugar does not help improve the immune system, right?

Last week, Saturday, I did the first day of the Running Room 5k running club. I sucked.

There were two different pace groups and the person with the watch was in the back. It was very challenging, but the slow pace group was almost a moderate walk speed - much too slow. We ran quite quickly (I think we made it halfway around the lake) and I know we didn't take the right breaks because the timekeeper didn't hear the beeps and, well, we couldn't see the timekeeper after a couple of minutes. In fact, after a number of minutes running, the guy in the group took out his cell phone and stopped us after a few minutes afterwards. So we ran a lot and quickly (for me). After our run on Saturday, I had to throw up in the bathroom.

I'd like to know about how to pace. At the gym, I just set the treadmill between 4.8 and 5.8 and I run for the length of a song, then slow to a quick walk on a steep incline for the length of the next song and then run. The machine tells me the pace. With a group, how do we pace?

Also, our leader didn't really have us do any stretches in any kind of set way. Because I threw up I came back and asked about stretching and other participants said that it was just informal. But what do I stretch? And how?

Anyway, I don't want to overdo it again so I end up throwing up again, but I would like to have a reasonable challenge.

I have to admit that for the first time in a running clinic, I'm not enthusiastic about returning, but I do want to increase my speed and endurance.

I contacted the group leader to let her know that I'm sick and thus will be unable to join the group on the run. Ah, yes, it will also be cold. A high of 5 below 0 Fahrenheit. Yes, without windchill. And that's around a lake. Maybe I should look at being sick as a blessing.

Tomorrow I'm getting my triangle stretched, hopefully to 4ga or 2ga, depending on what the pro says. I'm not canceling this one!

Pa'lante

2008-01-08T15:33:00.000-06:00

That's my theme for the year. Pa'lante is a combination of "para" and "adelante" and it's slang to mean 'keep on going on'.

The running is going well. My spin class kicked my ass this morning. My weight is still dropping - slowly, but surely.

I begin my running clinic this Saturday morning. Although I know the 5k distance is something I can do, the speed will be the challenge for me. Already I've had a chance to take a look at the curriculum materials. I think I'll benefit from the biomechanical context and the technique and form. And, possibly most importantly, I'll be learning to avoid injury and the group will help keep me accountable and working harder.

This morning it was hard to get out of bed and to the gym, but I kept thinking about how good it would feel after my morning workout. It's so much better to start out the morning on an endorphin high and with the knowledge that I've already...biked 12 miles or ran 2.5 miles. That is a pretty big freaking deal! It makes me feel that I can take on the requirements of my job. Even if I am just able to walk for 20 minutes, it's still an accomplishment.

I do have doubts about my ability to be successful, but the changes in my body are helping me stay positive. According to the weight watchers scale, I've lost over 15 pounds, but that's after that original 12 pounds I've already lost. Being the listmaker and graph maker that I am, I've plotted all my data and it's really inspiring to see my success.

It is a little weird that I'm getting a little flabby in my inner thighs, arms, and belly. I've always been pretty solid, albeit chunky. A personal trainer I was seeing told me that with all the exercise I've been doing, my body will take care of the excess on its own, but I've got to keep up my nutrition.

What a difference. This time last year, I wasn't eating regularly - I was skipping meals and binging, alternately. I now have breakfast every morning and I eat complete meals and I have healthy snacks.

I also can't believe that I work out at least 3 times a week every week. My goal is 5 days a week and I did it last week and so far so good this week, too. Going to the gym feels familiar - something I've never felt better. The people are friendly, but not too much so it feels weird. There are particular folks I feel really good about seeing because we're on similar fitness levels:

CBoCa and I get to hang out at the gym at time sometimes and we do cardio together
NB also has a new baby. She used to do marathons but has a knee injury so she can't run. She's getting fit again now.
L is this woman I see at the gym most early weekday mornings and sometimes on the weekends. After months of just passing each other, we connected when she told me she thought I was crazy for running a 5k in 5 degree Fahrenheit + wind weather. It's true - I'm nuts. :)
This guy, M, came into the 6 a.m. Tu and Th spin classes weeks after I started. I remember relating to how he struggled on the first sessions. Now, we're both getting pretty good, although we're still covered in sweat and way winded after the torture session, uh, I mean spin class.

I've got to make sure that I don't burn out on this fitness business. Actually, I don't think I will. I am getting pretty focused on this, but it's on the heavy side of the happy medium. The fun with the physical aspects of fitness, the results, the dates I've been getting asked on, and the positive social pressure help balance out the negative self-talk and resistance to getting out of bed in the morning. I'm just going to keep going forward, take care of myself, and do my best. Hard work, determination, and dedication. (and endorphins) Pa'lante.

It's 2008

2008-01-01T17:56:00.000-06:00

And I've logged 5k so far. It was so freakin' cold! 4 degrees
fahrenheit along the Mississippi River, and supposedly it felt like
-16F with wind chill. My asthma was a challenge but I finished it!
The Reindeer Run was 45 minutes and 5 seconds and this one was 40
minutes, 26 seconds! I cut 4.5 minutes from my time! Once I start
this running clinic in a couple of weeks, I'll get a lot better.
Capoeira will be starting then, too.

My goals for 2007 include 1. good health and spirit, 2. save 7 month's
living expenses in short-term funds, 3. get in shape and my body
looking great.

The joy is in the journey, right?

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T22:24:00.001-06:00

I ran the "Joyful 5k" this morning. See? That's me on the left wearing my signature holiday headgear. Except that it wasn't so joyful. Last night I smoked with friends and today I just could not breathe. On the left is a picture of me while I'm running, at about 1.5 miles, right before I go kaput. I kept using my asthma inhaler, but it just wasn't cutting it. I stopped shortly after this picture and had to sit in my car to recover my breath. I was so embarrassed that I didn't finish it.

I tried talking with my aunt for a christmas greeting but I kept spluttering and coughing and just couldn't get a grip on my breathing. I canceled my friends coming over for presents and greetings and I plopped down on my bed and just slept. It's almost 10:30 p.m. and I'm still having trouble with my breathing, so I just popped a prednisone (no fun) and I hope that'll have me cleared up in no time.

I have another 5k next Tuesday. I'd like to make sure I actually have full lung capacity for this one. I have to find appropriate head gear for this event, too.

Although it's nice having a break for the holidays, I missed my regular motivating activities. My 6 a.m. spin class with this awesome triathlete instructor, Maia, was canceled because today's Christmas. She always gets me motivated and I can always manage to push myself further than I think I can. She's also not teaching next week because it's New Year's day. My Weight Watchers group was canceled this week and next week, again, due to the holidays. What a bummer. I was counting on the regularity of these two things to keep me motivated.

On a positive, I've seen a personal trainer twice and he has some good advice.
-Diet is the most important thing to modify, in my case.
-Instead of working at high intensity for 45 minutes, do interval training, just like my spin instructor does. Work real hard for a bit, slow down for a bit, ramp it back up, rinse, lather, repeat indefinitely.
-Instead of focusing on the time, look at the watts or calories that machine says I have racked up. This is not for the sake of accuracy, but only to ensure that I have a more concrete measure, even on days I'm feeling more lazy.
-Instead of working on my abs (isolating activities), work on activities that will incorporate my major muscle groups. Includes sex, lunges, squats, etc. This also includes capoeira. I wonder if rowing is also one of these activities. I freaking hate lunges and squats, but I will get lunges and squats in capoeira. Capoeira is going to kick my ass.
-I won't give up the yoga or the pilates. These are more relaxing, positive activities. These are group activities that keep my focus on breathing and alignment. This is just for me.
-No carbs 4 hours before bed.
-Natural and home-prepared foods.
-Increase my protein intake.
-Protein is important right after a hard workout. During a workout, muscles have been breaking apart and require repair. The protein helps the body accomplish this.
-Sleep. I'm good at this, thanks to my sleeping pills.

I'm looking forward to two new activities in the coming year.
1. In a couple of weeks, I will be doing a running clinic on Saturdays beginning at 8:30 a.m. This will last several weeks. I will need to find a new 5k in February (also need themed headgear) and I'll be doing some Irish-themed run in March (themed headgear also needed).
2. I will be taking capoeira, twice a week, beginning in February with Becca and Becca will be doing the traithlon with me in June. Score!!! I did mention that my workload is insane between now and March, but she understands that I may not be able to make everything right away. Too bad capoeira is on the same days as my spin classes. (pouty face)

It's already just 4 days under 6 months to my triathlon. Yippee! Although the running is still slow, this running clinic should help me get things a little bit more under control, and hopefully I'll learn more about technique - my favorite.

So now, it's time to heal up a little and catch more zzzzzzz.

Successes and bumps

2007-12-12T19:42:00.001-06:00

I've had some good successes and a setback.

Good news includes steady weight loss and fitting into size 16 now.
(Yippee! I was a 20-22 at one point.) The combination of drinking
lots of water, eating more healthfully, and doing pilates with running
is changing the way my body looks. And my apartment, too looks really
good. I'm doing more active things with my friends and having fun with
it. A friend is considering doing the spring triathlon with me next
summer. I'm considering taking capoeira a couple of times a week.
I'm having fun.

Setbacks include having to dump the guy I was seeing because of
compulsive lying and cheating. Big jerk. That means I've had to
change my plans for the holidays. I decided to do a 5k on christmas
day and another one on new year's day. I'm trying to turn the lemons
into lemonade, but I still feel a little lonely. I admit it.

My shoulder still hurts. I went to pilates last weekend and my
shoulder hurt. The ymca said there wasn't much they could do to help
me out. I'm still giving the swimming a rest until March. I'll focus
on land activities.

But there are a lot of good things. My body is looking hot. Now that
I'm following a low glycemic index diet, my skin is looking a lot
better, too. I'll just work on keeping it up and keep doing a great
job.

Reindeer Run 5k

2007-12-03T15:11:00.001-06:00

Last week had its challenges. I had to ditch my boyfriend of 1.5
years and that affected my mood and attendance at the gym. I was also
quite upset and I threw up a bunch on Monday evening. I did manage to
go to the gym once and I did the Reindeer Run 5k on Saturday. I got a
new haircut and a facial to pamper myself and I got myself the
beautiful ring I was no longer going to get for Christmas.

The Reindeer Run was a good time. I went with blinking and jingling
antlers and a glowing red nose (thanks Alicia!). Despite the crappy
weather (slippery, precipitation, cold), I finished it in 44:05, just
1min and 59 sec slower than last time. It is very hard to run in the
very cold windy weather. At the beginning of the event, the wind launched small
hail and it hurt my face. I couldn't have made it with my asthma if I hadn't used my neoprene mask. Thank goodness for the awesome mizuno pants and the cold weather socks with the warming action and Chris' wind-proof uber-warm gloves. The gear was a very good investment.

The best part of the event was towards the end when I saw Alicia and
Megan holding signs and cheering me on! They ran behind me and yelled
and it gave me a boost of energy. It was so good to have them there.
They were so supportive, even though it was crappy weather. They ran
a half-marathon this past summer and it helped me realize that I, an
ordinary mortal, could also achieve a fitness goal with good planning.
They've been great friends, listening to my weight and fitness
challenges and I was very heartened to see them. Thank goodness for
friends.

This was the last outdoor cold weather running of 2007. I signed up for a Saturday morning running clinic from January through March. I'm hoping that by covering the basics and working within a group, I'll be able to improve my technique and my speed.

I'm certain that the cold weather makes it harder to run. Although I
was a little slower on this event than on the last one, I did feel it
was easier, psychologically. I recognize that I walked during times I
could've walked, but I was preoccupied with thoughts of the guy I
thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. What utter
crap.

People have been noticing that I've been losing weight. Between
October 24 and November 26, I lost 9.8 lbs. Not bad, huh? Each week,
the loss felt infinitesimally small, but now that I look back on it as
one month's difference, it feels good.

My shoulder is still hurting. I've decided to just forget swimming until March 2008. I'm going to be running, spinning, and going to pilates with Megan. I hope to catch some workouts with Nina and Chris, too.

I skipped my workout this morning and I'd like to get back into the
groove. I'd like to maintain my fitness and weight loss progress,
although I think it's good that I've been gentle with myself and that
I've let myself relax and deal with the break-up. I'm glad I've been
taking good care of myself and keeping my life steady. I look better
every day and my life is healthier each day.

5k cherry

2007-11-22T14:12:00.000-06:00

I ran my first 5k this morning! It was good. Thanks to some forced walking (that happens with a mass of 10,000 people!) I jogged just about the whole way. I'm surprised it was such a good time. My goal was to finish it and I did so in 42 min 5 sec. My pacing was good. Today, I realize that the hardest part of the triathlon, the running, is doable for me.

The mizuno pants were excellent. The neoprene face mask rocked my world. My asthma did catch up with me about 1 mi into the event, but I used my inhaler. I think the mask really helped warm up my breath. I'm looking forward to my next 5k, the Reindeer Run, in 9 days. Everything worked so well this time around I think I'll prepare for the next one in the same way: take the day before the event off from any exercising; good night of sleep; eat healthy breakfast 3 hours before; fully hydrated prior to run.

There were some good moments in the run. I loved it when large snowflakes fell. I managed to breathe one in through the neoprene mask and I felt really good. After the 2 mile marker, I thought the sprint triathlon might be achievable and I might want to train to do a full olympic triathlon (1 mi swim, 25 mi bike, 10k run) after I finish my sprint in June. Now, it's time to cook a turkey. Yummy!

BMI, gear, 5k

2007-11-20T12:59:00.000-06:00

Last week was a slow week. The weather was drab (ah, late fall in Minnesota) and chilly. My shoulder still hurts. I barely worked out, but I kept to my diet. I was surprised to find that despite all of that, I still managed to lose weight. According to the BMI, I am no longer "severely obese" but am now just "obese." Only 25 lbs to go before I'm just "overweight" and an additional 28 more before I'm "healthy".

My spin instructor this morning was so intense! She said we'd burn off our Thanksgiving dinner and she was not kidding. We were almost completely at moderate or hard tension - simulating climbing hills. Jeez! Afterwards, my legs were like jelly walking down the stairs. I hope it kicks my metabolism in high gear.

Last week I did get some nice gear so I can run outside without freezing to death on Thursday. The Turkey Day 5k will be my first 5k run-walk and I'm looking forward to it. I think I will be very cold before the race. A very nice guy at the running store helped me find the best looking running pants. They're made of a very interested material, which actually warms when it gets in contact with liquids. Mizuno is the name of the maker. I hope they were worth it!

Ironman month-long concept

2007-11-15T08:18:00.001-06:00

I was just on a message board on Weight Watchers where someone posted
a really fun idea.

"The Ironman Triathlon Fitness Challenge for November has begun! All
skill levels (and distances) welcome. You do not have to aspire to be
an Ironman to join this challenge. You may join at any time and adjust
your goals to fit how much of the month is left. (We'll be back next
month, too.)

"The rules are simple:

"Between November 1-30, you must complete:

"2.4 mi of swimming (4200 yds)
"112m of biking (any bike indoors or out will do)
"26.2m of running/walking/elliptical

Add up your distances and post them to the daily thread using the
following format:

Earned Today (or most recently) / Earned to Date / Goal for Month

If you do a little bit at a time it is totally manageable.

Will you reach the finish line by the end of the month? Good luck!

Increased lung capacity

2007-11-12T14:01:00.001-06:00

Next week Thursday is the Turkey Day 5k. I'm not yet running 3 miles
without stopping, but I'm cool to walk part of it.

This weekend, my buddy Chris showed me a trick for increasing lung
capacity. Run up a "hill" as fast as possible, then walk or jog down
to recover. Five of these. Frankly, I sucked. After 3 I was pooped.
And this was not a real hill. It was a short but steep slope.

What kicked my butt was breathing. I don't know if it was a
combination of breathing in the cold air and the increased work load,
but I felt that I couldn't get a deep breath. On the treadmill, it is
easy to focus on deep breaths. Outdoors, I got nervous. And the cold
air (40 F) felt hard to breathe in. I tried breathing in through my
nose and focusing on a deep breath.

I've read a few pages where people panic when they confront the open
water. I think I'm feeling something similar with the running
section.

The good news is that I can now run for 26 minutes out of 30. When I
write it down, it doesn't seem like a whole heck of alot, but I did 20
minutes of moderate cycling afterwards. Running 5 days a week's not
too shabby! 7.5 months to tri!

I think I just need to get outside and start running in the cold.
I'll wear a scarf and focus on breathing through my nose. Most
importantly, I must relax. Breathe. Relax. Chill out.

Weight and Tri

2007-11-06T21:26:00.000-06:00

Turns out my 6am Tuesday spin class instructor is an ironman triathlete. I saw her socks said ironman and I asked her about it. I told her about my tri aspirations. She said that it's a nice event, very hilly. Shit. I better start getting on that bike and work them hills! I'm looking forward to it, if you can believe it.

I asked her about groups. Turns out there's a joint blaisdell-southdale ymca triathlon group that starts back up in March. She'll keep me informed of what's going on.

Part of my path to triathlon is dealing with eating and weight loss. While browsing at the library, I saw a PBS video called, "Fat: What no one is telling you." I love most PBS specials because they take on the complexity of issues, instead of just presenting an oversimplified piece of entertainment. It was very thorough, including biological issues, psychological issues, barriers in poverty, and cultural influences. For example, did you know that fat cells never get eliminated, but only shrink; these fat cells' biological duty is to fill back up with reserves. Talk about self-defeating! :) Despite the tone of that one example, the film was uplifting and very educational. I especially enjoyed hearing the doctors who study obesity and the other one who studies the digestive system. Another example is that the digestive system has great influence on the brain.

Watching this film was uplifting. I'm a perfectionist. When I went into my last weight watchers group and found I'd only lost another pound, I felt disappointed. I thought that I didn't do too badly on exercise, I stayed on the diet, but I should've had more progress! Weight Watchers makes it seem so easy, but if it's as simple as sticking to the diet, why only 1 pound? Weight loss is hard. It's more than the weight watchers formula that says weight loss is use more calories than you take in. The movie affirmed it. It also affirmed the fact that everything that I've been doing has been very positive and that I'm going about this just perfectly.

The film did present an alternative view to me about gastric bypass surgery. I was distracted during that section, but my half-attentive understanding is that the surgery actually removes nerves that encourage the body to consume more. On the other hand, it did state that surgery isn't even coming close to good when it comes to long term goals. A few years ago, my insurance company declined my request to see a dietitian in order to address my obesity, but instead suggested gastric bypass surgery would be covered. Oh my god that was so scary! That the health care plan was willing to pay for a huge, very risky cut and paste multi-thousand-dollar surgery instead of educational nutrition education support was appalling. I'm still appalled.

I was very proud of myself when yesterday morning I was at the gym even though I only had 20 minutes to run
if I want to make work on time. 1 min walk, 4 min jog, 1 min walk, 4 min jog, 1 min walk, 4 min jog, 1 min jog, 4 min jog, cool down, stretches. I ran 80% of the time! I can run with less recovery time! I'm actually achieving endurance? This morning's spin class was hard, but I did it comfortably (albeit, sweaty). I was proud of myself for walking 5k comfortably on Sunday morning around Lake Harriet, too. I hope that I continue including physical activity in my mornings every day possible.

I think I'm doing well.

Nagging shoulder

2007-11-04T22:46:00.000-06:00

I was in a little funk this week with working out. Although I missed 3 days of exercise, I guess I got in 4 days of exercise. The nagging pain in my shoulder is bumming me out. Although the swimming fries my hair, it's so relaxing and meditative to just get into that cycle of ||: stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke-breathe :|| through the water. It feels healing to swim and not having that this week sucks. This week, even if I can't swim using my arms, maybe I'll just kick around with a paddle board or run around the water with weights. I just don't want to eliminate the water from my workout.

"The secret of success is constancy of purpose." Benjamin Disraeli

2007-11-02T11:37:00.001-05:00

I don't know anything about Benjamin Disraeli that I didn't learn on wikipedia, but that quote is dead on right.

I'm doing a lot of thinking about my weight these days and I wanted to post a journal entry from 10/30/07.

Strategies: Choose one behavior you will do - no matter what.

I will live healthfully.

Adapt
Adjust
Cope

Losing weight is about using my energy storage efficiently.
Losing weight is about making smart, responsible food choices.
Losing weight is a way to affirm my life.
Losing weight is not about scarcity.
Losing weight is healing.

Journey

2007-11-02T10:07:00.000-05:00

Well, they say the journey is really the best part, right? So far I've had a couple of ups and downs. It's been a while since I've posted, so there's a lot on this entry.

Nutrition: I've been reading as much as I can about triathlon and nutrition is very important. Although I could be triathlete and binge eat every 3 days, I just don't want to have that binging in my life. It takes so much energy to stuff my face, feel bad, deprive myself of food, feel famished, binge eat, feel bad, ad nauseam. I've withstruggled it my entire life but I've never committed myself to a real diet. My doctor and a previous personal trainer had recommended Weight Watchers. I decided to give Weight Watchers 1 month to help me eat more nutritionally, break out of the binge cycle, and possibly lose weight. I joined a couple of weeks ago and I've already lost 2.2 pounds, according to their scale. That's excellent. Although it costs $39.95 a month, I think the benefits outweigh the costs. Through my work at La Oportunidad, I understand that education and support groups can have a much stronger impact on progress. That, and I like the structure of meeting every Monday at 5:30 p.m. just to refocus the start of my week on my fitness goals. It's affirming. I had been feeling quite ashamed about it, but as I'm ending week 2, I'm seeing some changes in the way I'm looking at food and I think it's good.

Injury: Last weekend, my personal trainer flaked out on me. A guy who was working the front desk at the ymca said he could help me out in the mean time. Well, he ran me through a series o new exercises and, unfortunately, I got a shoulder injury. It's called bursitis, inflammation of the bursa, which is a fluid-filled sac that basically keep the shoulder moving smoothly. It was a lot of resistance training involving the upper body. He encouraged me to increase my weight, so I did. I was told to lay off the swimming for a few days, then another couple more days, and now through the weekend. I've got to keep icing it for 20 minutes after activity and also at night before bed.

Events: I've signed up for two 5k walk-runs: the Turkey Day 5k (11/22, 8:30 a.m., Downtown Minneapolis) and the Reindeer Run 5k (12/1, 9:30, Lake Harriet bandshell, Minneapolis). Since the run is the scariest part for me, I'm going to try to do as many of these as possible. I hope it will make the distance seem more achievable.

Training: Jogging, swimming, cycling, eating well, sleeping a lot, taking care of my mental health (hello happy light!!!), and reading. I've been mixing it up. I haven't been perfect with my early morning gym attendance, but I'm still doing a good job. I'm trying to get good physical exercise at least 6 days out of 7 and I'm trying to get at least 4 of those to be in the gym. And, I get a $20 discount each month off my membership at the YMCA from my health insurance company. Sweet!
I'm taking private swim coaching once a month and swimming for 20-45 minutes at least three times a week (not this week, though, until my shoulder is okayed by my doc). I've been encouraged to focus on technique and not speed. I'm finding that although I'm not the fastest, I do have a little bit of zip.
I do hope I can meet with a personal trainer who will be able to help me plan a healthy, achievable, and careful plan with actual fitness goals.

Reading: Slow Fat Triathlete: Live your athletic dreams in the body you have now is an awesome and very funny book. Very inspiring. This woman started at 265 lbs! and although she's still not slender, she is nowhere near her starting weight and she does sprint and olympic length triathlons. It's very cool. Highly recommended for motivation.

25 Reasons I Want to Lose Weight

2007-10-30T23:00:00.000-05:00

Karen, the leader of my new Weight Watchers group, has given me homework.

1. Baby - I want to healthfully carry a baby to full-term and have a successful delivery.
2. Future family - healthfully parent my child
3. I want to accomplish my goal of reaching a healthy weight for 6 months prior to conception.
4. I want to look hot in my bathing suit. I want to look hot in my hells and nothing else.
5. I want to fit into a greater variety of clothing. I don't want to have to fit only into plus sizes. I want to wear a regular size medium.
6. I want to look great in a strapless gown.
7. I'd like to see my clavicles.
8. I want to be healthier. I want to lower my risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, and hormonal issues (polycystic ovary syndrome).
9. I want to live long enough to be a good mom.
10. I want to live past age 31.
11. I want to run more comfortably.
12. I want to finish my 1st sprint triathlon.
13. I'd like to be more beautiful.
14. I'd like my vessel (body) to better resemble my soul.
15. I don't want to continue carrying years of sadness and confusion, especially in the form of excessive weight.
16. I will stop binge eating.
17. I will learn a more healthful way to eat.
18. I will slowly remove shame from my body.
19. I will have fewer hormonal-related issues, including steadier emotions, regular menstrual cycles, and less uncomfortable periods.
20. I'd like to look down and see my pubes without pulling my belly up and out of the way.
21. I deserve to be slender.
22. I want to prove Tia Yrma wrong. She said i'll never be slender because it's not in my constitution.
23. I enjoy setting goals and reaching them.
24. I'd like to be in more pictures. I don't want to cringe at my body size when I look at the pictures later.
25. Orula said I will accomplish it. It's already done.

-
I don't want to be obese.
I'm tired of hiding myself in a fat body.
I don't want to see fat rolls. I don't want to feel fat rolls.

(This entry is post-dated.)

Plan

2007-10-28T19:00:00.000-05:00

Mentality: Training to reach something; focus; edge

Plan: More cardio than resistance

Mon - swim, run
Tue - spin, resistance
Wed - swim, run
Thu - spin, resistance
Fri - swim, run
Weekend - combination of run, cycle, and swim; fun physical activities

Positive thinking. Acknowledge here and now.

Consciously living healthfully.

Making healthy choices. Tracking these decisions (food, training).

Sleep well every night.

(This entry was post-dated.)

8 months and counting

2007-10-21T20:22:00.000-05:00

I've set a fitness goal of doing a sprint triathlon in June 2008. Because I want to journal specifically about this process, I've decided to create this new blog so as to not bore the hell out of my regular friends on my regular blog: http://aileencita.livejournal.com .

I've been wanting to get in shape and lose weight in order to have a child. I think that exercising is the best way to get my body ready and I'd like to spend a good 4-6 months at a good stable weight prior to getting pregnant. I think the best way to get in shape is through cross-training so I've set myself a goal to do a sprint triathlon. I love the water and although I'd never had any technique, I know I'm a very strong swimmer. Biking rocks. During the summer, I had a great time riding my fixed-gear bike as often as possible. So there's two out of three. The hardest for me is the running. The challenge is more psychological than physical. But each time, I do it a little bit better, I'm a little more relaxed, and I run a little further. It's a great thing. I took a private swimming class with the coach of the Y's swim team. I'm really excited that I'm doing so well.

Because the biking is the easiest part, I decided to swim today for 1/2 hour, then run, and then do my core strengthening. I had never done so many laps. It felt zen and I was happily tired afterwards. In fact, I was so tired that I did not have the energy for anxiety about running. I know I'm slow, but I'm proud of running a mile today.

Here's the info on the event:

Lake Minnetonka Triathlon
on Excelsior Bay - June 21, 2008

Swim: This unique 1/2 mile swim goes along the shore of Lake Minnetonka (not an out and back swim) so that spectators can view the entire swim from the hillside above. Water temperature at this time is typically a comfortable 70-78 degrees, however wetsuits are legal. http://63.255.227.21/images/swimmap.JPG

Bike: The 15 mile (out and back) ride is mostly flat with some rolling hills and goes through Carver County. All cyclists must observe MN traffic laws. ANSI or SNELL approved hard-shelled helmets are required. Drafting is prohibited. http://63.255.227.21/images/bikemap.JPG

Run: 3 miles along the shores of Lake Minnetonka on the Three Rivers Park light rail trail. The trail is very flat and made of hard pack clay. http://63.255.227.21/images/runmap.JPG